Sail off into the sunset

I’ve started my new job, and I’m on the road.  Traveling gives me plenty of time to think about things.  I have to admit I feel different compared to the last time I was out.  I’m much more focused on getting as much done as possible.  I have a great truck to live in, and great people to work for.

There’s something special about crossing state lines.  It gives me a burst of energy every time, almost like going into a new land.  As the miles slip past, I find myself recalling the past few years over and over in my mind, second guessing I suppose, all the decisions I have made about my folks and how I got to this point.  As I complete my log book at the end of the day, I get a sense of accomplishment knowing I drove 600 or more miles today.  I almost feel like I’m in control of my life again.

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My mother seems to be adjusting well at my sisters house.  We set her room up as she likes, and everything is easy for her to get to or use.  My father, on the other hand, went off the deep end at the new home.  He has been staying up all night, wandering outside many times a night and making it impossible for the woman taking care of him to sleep.  He was not doing those things before, and it was a surprise to all of us.  Her home is not setup to handle patients at that level, and she had to call the VA and request he be moved to a lock down facility for dementia.  Lucky for us there was room at a VA home and he will be safe there.  I’m not sure how well he will adjust, but it’s out of my hands now.  I spoke to him on the phone, and he seemed upbeat and content, but very confused about what was happening.  Even though we did not get along, it breaks my heart to see this happen to him.  “I’m sorry dad, I wish it was not this way.”

The pressure of all this effects people in different ways.  I have always tended to suppress my feelings deep down inside until the dam is full and leaks appear.  Being back on the road gives me the solitude I so crave, and helps to release some of the water from the dam without all of it coming out at once.  Others seem very confrontational, almost like they are looking for a fight.  If you say or do anything they don’t agree with, or they feel slighted in any way, things can blow up very easily into a war of words.  I’m not the best at expressing myself in conversation, I seem to do a better job on paper when I have time to think it through.  I guess this is a result of spending so much time alone.  My interpersonal skills leave allot to be desired.  Oh well, such is life.  You live, you learn, and hopefully gain wisdom in the process.  Your not going to get along with everyone all of the time.  We do our best, and that’s all we can do.

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So I’m off again down the roads of this great country.  There are many miles ahead of me before I reach my goals, but I feel free again.  I’m back living in my tiny house, but that doesn’t bother me.  My parents are safe and secure.  My resolve is set, my path before me.  All I have to do is focus on my ultimate goal.  It will take a few more years to reach, but someday soon, I will sail off into the sunset.

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