Can you see the real me

I went back to my mother
I said “I’m crazy ma, help me”
She said “I know how it feels son
Cause it runs in the family”

Can you see the real me, Mama?
Can you see the real me, Mama?
Woah, Mama!

The Real Me by The Who (Not from Whoville!)

I was asked recently by someone I work with “How can you write so eloquently online, and act so silly and crazy in person?” or something to that effect.  Well Andy, the simple answer is…I have no idea, at least in part.  The silly and crazy is most likely my way of coping with stress that we all face daily, or it could be an attempt at “How to win friends and influence people” done very poorly!  As far as the writing, I’m not sure where that comes from. I start with an idea, sometimes just a thought.  When I sit down to write, it just comes out and feels right when I see it on the screen.

I think we all put on a mask when we leave the house and face the world.  At work, we must be the person the employer wants to see, otherwise we would not have a job.  In social situations, we follow the etiquette of the moment so that we can feel included.  In relationships, we sometimes mold our behavior to suit our partner, trying to avoid to much “Drama” or hurt feelings.  It actually takes a lot of effort to hide who we really are.

But why then, do we hide it?  Maybe we don’t want to be ridiculed, dismissed, put down and all the other things this modern society does to others simply to make themselves feel superior.  Or maybe everyone is so insecure, they have to point out differences in others to draw attention away from there own faults.  Or maybe some people are just plain mean.

You hear about kids in school being bullied to the point of suicide.  Where were the parents?  The teachers?  Their friends?  I was bullied in school, but my parents and the vice principal “Mr Lowell” both tried to stop the problem.  Even though I was the one to ultimately stop the bullying with my fists, at least they were aware and tried to help.  Parents today don’t even monitor the unbelievable things their kids do on Facebook, let alone try to truly be a part of their lives. Then you see them on tv saying, “My child has never done anything like this before.”  How would they know?  It’s disgusting if you ask me.

So we go thru our lives pretending to be someone we are not.  We “Play the game” everyday, with the hope that somebody may come into our lives that we can be “Real” with.  A husband, wife, or even just a friend.  Maybe I’m wrong, but I think they are rare.  I can only think of 2 people in my life where this is true, but I still hold out hope for more.


16 thoughts on “Can you see the real me

  1. Awesome post !!! And I can hear him asking you that.. He’s so funny and I love the way he’s not afraid to ask ppl direct questions.. I don’t think he realizes that he could do stand up comedy just by being himself and talking about the world according to Andy..

    This post is such a clear cross section of why ppl hide what they fear is the dirty little secrets about who they are.. The hardest thing for me to do is carry on a conversation with someone who is more worried about how smart or cool they’re trying to come across than just talking..
    Just spit it out for cryin out loud..

    I think I should get scorecards and hold them up to rate the ppl who get unnaturally theatrical every time you run into them.. Some ppl are just very flamboyant and that does make it fun.. But the others ? Just makes me weary and looking for an exit excuse..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. First of all I LOVE The Who …. I used to sit as a lonely teen playing their albums at full blast through headphones in the dining room (we didn’t have our own sound systems in those days – just a rota for the family one and a wireless in our bedrooms – and we were posh!) I saw them play Quadrophenia in London in 2013. It was a wedding present to me from my best mate Clive (a drummer himself). It was absolutely awesome and The Real Me has to be the standalone song from the album in my life. My third daughter said to me when I got back on the dating wagon 4 years ago – ‘I’m fine with this mummy so long as you don’t do that egg thing’. She stole that from a Julia Roberts movie called ‘The Runaway Bride’ in which Richard Gere works out that she always took her eggs the same way as her current squeeze. It’s a euphamism for what you are talking about. So after a wounded past and a lonely many years I set about making sure I was me when I met a man. I spend YEARS being not me and it is, as you say terribly tiring. That my husband seems to love the real me and actively discourages me from being anyone else (and beleive me, I’m an accomplished actress and very good at pulling on a new face that reflects what the person in front of me wants to see). Be you, Sir. Of course you must be what you have to be at work but be you, sir when you are finding and forging those relationships with friends and lovers. Your writing echoes your core. And it’s a fine core if I may say so – full of wonder and sweetness and real concern. A core that others would do well to aspire to. At least, that’s what I think.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OK, now you made me blush! And yes, I wore a mask of drug use and indifference for most of my young life. It was nothing more than a coping technique because I didn’t understand how to deal with my problems. Ironically, it only slowed down my coming to grips with the fact you can’t control everything, now matter how much you try. I think I came out of it in time to make the best of the time I have left, and that’s where the boat comes in! Also, I couldn’t help the “Dr Seuss” reference 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for a great, honest post that I think we can all relate to. Putting on a mask seems to be the way most people cope these days. I’d like to think I’m getting better at being myself as I’m getting older but at times I’m still a bloody good actress!

    Liked by 1 person

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