Save The Last Dance For Me

I was married on Aug 29, 1992 in Everett Mass. Her name was Christine and I met her while working for a traveling carnival. I worked the giant Ferris wheel, one of the most dangerous jobs with the show. I have no fear of heights, so when I climbed up the 10 stories to the top I could do the job without freezing. I’ve always been a risk taker and started rock climbing when I was 6. I even went camping on Christmas weekend one year here in Maine! Brrrrrr! (Great story on that coming soon!)

I was 26 and she was 23. We were polar opposites as far as upbringing, politics and life experiences. She was a CNA at a hospital in Malden Mass, and I was a hard drinking, hard drugging “Mainiac” with almost no fear. Like alot of girls her age I think she liked the bad boy image I put out, even though it wasn’t really who I was. I liked the fact she gave so freely to others at her job. She spoke about the duties she performed every day that would turn the stomach of most people. She just said “someone has to do if for them” like anybody would feel the same. She had a big heart.

It wasn’t long before I realized she had “issues.” She started to party harder than me, staying up all night and sleeping most of the day. She changed to night shift and we hardly ever saw each other. It didn’t take long before she couldn’t keep a job. We started to get into financial trouble, and that led to more arguments. Things were pretty rough for awhile.

When her sister said we could come to Florida and stay with her and her family till we got settled, we thought it was a great idea to get a fresh start, and try to make it work. When we arrived, I found a job within 6 hrs on the first day, and started the next. It took her 2 months to really try to find work. She just stayed at her sisters and said she was doing her a favor by watching the kids.

I decided it was time to move out, and found a cute little cottage that I could afford even if she didn’t work. She was still partying very hard, but she finally got a job as a server. She made pretty good money due to her personality and good nature towards others. We began to feel we had a future. It didn’t last.

One morning I woke to flashlights shining in the windows. It was the local police. Apparently we had been robbed in our sleep, along with two other houses nearby. He brazenly came in and searched our cottage while we slept. I’m glad I never woke up as I’m sure I would have confronted him. He didn’t get much as we had very little at that time. I chalked it up to experience and moved on. Not so my wife. She became increasingly parinoid, reaching the point that she barricaded the door at night. It took me a couple minutes each morning to get the door open to go to work. To make matters worse, she went 7 days without sleep and had a psychotic break. She was addmitted to the hospital, then drugged to sleep. When they let her out in 2 days, they sent her to a sleep clinic. The Dr there gave her a prescription for Valium. BIG MISTAKE! She took a months worth of Valium in just 5 days! Back to the hospital!

It went on like this for several years. We came back to Maine and I started a business. I did quite well for the first 3 years even though she would never help. I tried to do “the right thing” and helped her get into counseling. It was then that we understood she had extreme bipolar disorder. With this help she started to get better. We started to get along again. I felt all my hard work was going to pay off. And then she had her councellor call me to come in with her for a visit. This is when the bomb dropped. She told me in front of the councellor she had cheated on me. I felt so stupid. Why hadn’t I seen that? I had always tried to be a good husband, never crowding her, trying to let her heal and find herself. I know I’m not perfect and I made mistakes, but I would never do that.

We seperated shortly after that, and it was then that I decided to investigate what she had been doing on the internet every night. I wish I hadn’t. There were at least 2 more men she had been with, and many others had sent and been sent videos of an unbelievable nature. I was totally crushed. I was so blind to what was going on right under my nose. Even all these years later, I still remember that feeling. Its not something you get over easily. Even though I tried to give her space, go and have some fun I said, she didn’t save the last dance for me.


32 thoughts on “Save The Last Dance For Me

  1. That stinks, I do believe however, she lost more than you did in the long run and unlike you, has no one to blame except herself.. You’re not perfect, who is ? But cheating is a choice, not a mistake..
    You are going to be okay, I really feel that.. And you will find a woman to have adventures together..

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I wrote a story about Dennis in October called We Believe. He went through something similar to you with kids involved, but he always kept the faith. Lost him a year ago, but carry his quote with me everyday.

        Bet one of these days you’ll find a nice person. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. So sorry. it seems some things start out so hopeful and then life happens. I’m not trying to be nosy or anything, but weren’t there signs before you married about her being bipolar? Especially extreme…? I worked with a woman with that condition at one time, and as long as she took her meds, she was fine. One month though her kids needed some expensive stuff for school or a trip or something, and so she just didn’t get her prescription. The difference was startling and not a little frightening. I ratted her out to the head honcho, who got her an advance on her pay or something, so she could get her meds. But I could tell, even when she was medicated (and before her lapse) that she was a bit…different. Maybe it’s because I’m a bit….different too and more sensitive to it, but usually there are signs. Of course, I’m also talking out my ass a bit because I married a man with a lot of problems that I either ignored or glossed over and after I married him, it was like they suddenly were out in the open. And we had a cheating episode similar to what you say you had…but the reasons weren’t so black and white. Yeah I cheated. His reaction was probably exactly as you described yours being, and thanks for sharing that, I really tried to understand his side of it from his point of view, but I never got such a clear picture as you present. But WHY I did it was so complicated and my husband wasn’t blameless in it either. You see he cheated first. Stupid and juvenile of me to want ‘balance’ and one-up-manship, but I did. WHO he cheated with wasn’t supposed to allow me to cheat too. As I said, complicated.

    Thanks for sharing your experience and for allowing this long winded response. And for helping me understand.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The bit I find the most poignant and touching was the trying and trying to make it work. The belieiving that you could make it better. No one, whatever their issues, has the right to leave someone ‘crushed’ as she did you. I am really and truly sorry that you had this experience. It’s every shade of wrong. I felt very sad reading this, and not a little angry too. You are a good person. Try to keep that at the front of your mind and be open to what life offers you. In that bundle there will be a good person to match you, I am certain 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s hard not to be jaded by past hardships, but I’ve used this along with other tragedies in my life, some not yet written, to make me concentrate on self reliance but temper it with the fact no one is complete without at least one other in their lives. I still, and will always hold out hope.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think I have shared with you before that I was extremely jaded by several past catastrophes at age 51 and my husband was jaded by just one mahusive past blunder aged 59 when we met. I never stopped hoping. Many found it odd that I refused to give up but I am so glad I didn’t. Life is better now. Not always perfect but so much better. And The Bean agrees 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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