Solsbury Hill

Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing, stretching every nerve
I had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
I just had to trust imagination
My heart going boom, boom, boom
Son, he said, grab your things I’ve come to take you home

To keep in silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Though my life was in a rut
Till I thought of what I’d say
And which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart going boom, boom, boom
Son, he said, grab your things I’ve come to take you home

When illusion spin her net
I’m never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
So I will show another me
Today I don’t need a replacement
I’ll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going boom, boom, boom
Hey, I said, you can keep my things they’ve come to take me home

Solsbury Hill – Peter Gabriel

I included all the lyrics for the song as they hold so much meaning to me. Each line is like a moment in time in my life. From the beginnings of my downward spiral, I listened to the Eagle and followed his lead. The home he brought me to was a misrepresentation of what youth should have been. Instead of fun filled days with family and friends, I had storms of rage and anger fueled by drugs and alcohol.

My recovery started about 15 years ago. Even though I was retreating deeper into myself, and some thought I was getting worse, I was actually starting to think much clearer. My inspiration came when I realized I didn’t need all the things and people that came before. I realized I was the only person who could change the path I was on. No matter what anyone said or did, I had to really want to have a better life, and I changed it.

Once major changes where made, I went through a time of crisis, never having tried to make good decisions before. I had no chart to look at. No guidebook to read to show me the way. The draw from the past, with it’s easy way out, was still very strong. Just when I thought I was in control, demons from my past reared their heads and I almost faltered. Only through strength of will and a determination to have a better life can addiction be overcome. No Doctor, parent, friend etc.. can help until YOU decide its time to change, and climb up your own Solsbury Hill.

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10 thoughts on “Solsbury Hill

  1. My favourite joke is ‘how many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb. Answer: Only one but the lightbulb has to want to change’. You are so so right (of course you are, you lived the addiction and the climb out) … no-one but the sufferer (and it is a suffering) can climb the hill. I am so glad you had the strength and the will to do it. And I am so glad you are writing. I loved this piece and I thank you for it and for sharing the song which I haven’t heard for far too long

    Liked by 3 people

  2. very personal and powerful and well done you for overcoming all these adversities and traumas.
    I remember seeing a picture with a grandpa swinging happily from a tree with the words: It’s never too late to have a happy childhood’ 🙂 Let’s have ours, better late than never!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s the reality of any addiction..
        The road to recovery doesn’t have an end destination point to a cure.. The cure is your vigilance to not slip off that road, ever.. And it takes strength, which you possess 😊

        Liked by 1 person

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