Silent Lucidity

Hush now don’t cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
You’re lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over
Or has it just begun?

There’s a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run to in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didn’t realize it and you were scared
It’s a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly, you hear and see
This magic new dimension

I will be watching over you
I am gonna help you see it through
I will protect you in the night
I am smiling next to you, in silent lucidity

Visualize your dream
Record it in the present tense
Put it into a permanent form
If you persist in your efforts
You can achieve dream control
Dream control
How’s that then, better?
Dream control
Dream control (hug me)
Dream control
Hug me

If you open your mind for me
You won’t rely on open eyes to see
The walls you built within
Come tumbling down, and a new world will begin
Living twice at once you learn
You’re safe from pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly
A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dream’s alive, you can be the guide but

I will be watching over you
I am gonna help you see it through
I will protect you in the night
I am smiling next to you

Silent Lucidity – Queensryche

I went to see my father today. It’s only been 2 weeks since my last visit but he thinks it’s been months. His perception of time and his short term memory are gone. When I arrived he was sleeping in a chair in the TV room. The anti-psychotic drugs they give him to stay calm put him to sleep shortly after dosing, then he slowly wakes up later.

I stayed with him for an hour or so, even while he kept dozing off. I could see the hold that the drugs have, the effort for him to keep speaking. When I left he was sound asleep, upright in the chair, chin on his chest. As I looked at him I wondered what he dreams about.

A little over a year ago, when we all lived together in Strong Maine, he had bad dreams. Many nights I would be awoken by his screams and yelling during the night. I never new if I should wake him up or not. I don’t believe in dream control, but I sure wish I could control his.

If I could I would have him dream about days sledding as a child. Coming home cold and wet to a loving mother who would give him dry socks and hot chocolate. Going to school with friends that would never dessert him, always there with companionship. I would have him dream of his days in New Mexico, riding his motorcycle across the open desert, not a care in the world, sleeping under the stars.

I would have him dream of a son who cared about him very much, who gave it his all at the end to try and make up for lost time. even though he knew it was too late. I would have him dream about us playing ball in the driveway, then watching me play Little League at Family Field. Dream of us camping in the woods, only the stars and campfire to light the evening.

And above all, I would have him dream of a life fulfilled, safe and secure in knowing he was a good person, a great father, loving husband. I want him to dream one last time of the people that will miss him, and then never wake up. I want him to pass peacefully in the dream of all dreams, forever shall he rest away from all the pain life has given him.

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16 thoughts on “Silent Lucidity

  1. I read this with tears in my eyes. Next time you go see your dad you should read him this post, share these words with him and your dreams of how things once were. Even if he doesn’t acknowledge them trust me, on some level he will take them in and your words will give him comfort. I did this with mum, I read her my posts and I know she understood. I could see it in her eyes. This is such a beautiful and heartwarming post and he should hear it. xo

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Oh my dear friend, this is so hard to read. I am touched beyond words. Share your words with him. Tell him those stories. Hold his hand and stroke his face and tell him how great he is and what a good and valuable life he has lived. I know it is a living death, this dementia and I know you must feel utterly helpless, drained of happy and wearing sad like the heaviest yoke on your shoulders. We are not allowed to choose to help our beloveds pass and my husband and I both think it is iniquitous. Dignitas in Switzerland has it right. One last sweet day and then eternal slumber would surely be kinder. I’ve told you before, I will hold you up when your knees are buckling and I now reach out over the aether and take your hand in mine.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I guess I know that … you are no quitter because if you were you wouldn’t be here now. I don’t wish your father dead, of course I don’t but I hope that like my Uncle who was found in his chair by my cousin and had literally just snuffed out in his sleep, that your Dad will find a peaceful passing when the time comes.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh my goodness. This is my favorite thing you’ve ever written. It’s beautiful, selfless, and compassionate. In some weird way that I’m not even sure that I have the right to say, I’m so proud of you. Sometimes it’s like you get tripped up in all of the things you believe you did right or wrong in your life and you sometimes forget what an amazing soul you have. THIS writing is pure and heartfelt. Your dad would be smiling so big if he was able. Just the idea that you would change his dreams of you could is such an honorable thing to even think of.

    Liked by 1 person

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