It Doesn’t Have To Be Like This

For millions of years mankind lived just like the animals
Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination
We learned to talk

There’s a silence surrounding me
I can’t seem to think straight
I’ll sit in the corner
No one can bother me

I think I should speak now
Why won’t you talk to me
I can’t seem to speak now
You never talk to me

My words won’t come out right
What are you thinking
I feel like I’m drowning
What are you feeling

I’m feeling weak now
You never talk to me
But I can’t show my weakness

What are you thinking
I sometimes wonder
What are you feeling

Where do we go from here

It doesn’t have to be like this
All we need to do is make sure we keep talking

Why won’t you talk to me
I feel like I’m drowning
You never talk to me
You know I can’t breathe now

What are you thinking
We’re going nowhere
What are you feeling
We’re going nowhere

Why won’t you talk to me
You never talk to me
What are you thinking
Where do we go from here

It doesn’t have to be like this
All we need to do is make sure we keep talking

Keep Talking – Pink Floyd

Is there a song that reaches you on a very deep level? More than just happy or sad, but emotionally and physically? When your by yourself in the car perhaps, do you crank it up and get a full body rush and immerse yourself completely in the song? Years ago I first heard this song while under the influence of some very powerful LSD and had an experience I struggle to put into words. Even now, straight as I am, the same basic feeling happened as I was driving today.

The vision is so clear, the memory still etched in my mind. Strong hallucinogens leave a lasting scar on a young mind, forever there waiting for a trigger to force them into the light to be opened and examined once again. Much of my younger life was spent in that dark room, sitting in the corner so no one would bother me. I kept to myself, never wanting to talk for fear of saying the wrong thing.

There were several years I lived a full life only in my mind. Wandering through the passing days in a haze, trying to suppress something disturbing me yet I had no clear image of what it was. The only thing that mattered was my next “Buzz” and the feeling of euphoria that came with it.

“Tripping” on LSD is a tremendous experience. You completely lose control of your thoughts and emotions. Hallucinations can be mild or very scary, even your worst fears can become real during a “Rush”. How I made it through a few of those times uninjured is amazing. Addiction is the worst thing I have ever dealt with, but in a way it made me much stronger.

By stopping the way I did, cold turkey, I proved to myself that I was in control of my life. I knew what I needed to do and I did it. I don’t think any other method would have worked for me. Like most things in my life, I had to do it alone.

I have learned to express myself better through this blog, even though I still struggle with basic conversation in social situations. I’ve come from an emotionally damaged young man, to being a mostly stable and focused adult, but the road was a long one. I still have difficulty putting my thoughts together in a cohesive order, I still say the wrong things sometimes. But I know for sure, all I need to do is keep talking.

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