I’m A Creep

When you were here before,
Couldn’t look you in the eye,
You’re just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry,

You float like a feather,
In a beautiful world,
I wish I was special,
You’re so very special.[Chorus:]

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.

I don’t care if it hurts,
I want to have control,
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul,

I want you to notice,
When I’m not around,
You’re so very special,
I wish I was special.[Chorus:]

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.

She’s running out again,
She’s running out…
She run run run run…
Run…

Whatever makes you happy,
You’re so very special,
I wish I was special…

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here,
I don’t belong here.

Creep – Radiohead

I soooo relate to this song. This is the story of my life, the terribly awkward interactions I have with most people, especially women. Let’s be honest, I have had only 5 serious relationships in my 51 years, and one was my marriage that ended in divorce. I guess I should be proud of the fact I wasn’t a playboy, always looking for the next conquest. But that’s not the only truth to be told, the real truth is I really don’t like most people.

Even as a young boy I would always search out the hidden places, the spots where I could remove myself from society as a whole. The dark corners where my imagination could run free without the feeling of someone watching or judging me. As I grew into a teenager I came out of it to some degree. I was able to at least interact with small groups of like minded kids but in large crowds my anxiety was palpable. To this day I don’t feel comfortable in groups of more than 5 or 10 people, and if I go to a bar or restaurant I always get a corner seat.

I feel my best when I’m alone or with my dog Vinny. He truly is this mans best friend. You may think that is silly or even sad, but he is not judgemental, he’s always happy to see me, always ready to play or just hang. Never holds a grudge, knows when I’m sad, comforting and true. All the things I’ve never found in people. And yet, I’ve not given up hope, ever in search of a few people I can really relate to, true friends. In the cyber world of blogging, I think I have found a few.

Even though I have never physically met any of you, I FEEL your presence when I read your posts, when you comment on mine. I can see through your eyes when you talk of days filled with hope and joy, beauty and kindness. When I look at your photo’s I see what you saw, I’m standing beside you. I wish I could snap my fingers and we could all be together for an afternoon, sharing stories and sharing our time. Maybe someday we can.

Here’s to you Osyth, your the reason I’m still posting. Without your words of encouragement I would have walked away before now. Of all the people I have met through this blog, you are the one I WILL meet someday, and give you a hug…if mb2 doesn’t mind!

To my Outback friend Miriam, if I make it to the south pacific as I hope I will you can bet I will stop to see you. You have been following me almost from the beginning and that says alot. We both share a great joy of camping and being outside, and I look forward to your pictures around the campfire. Someday we will share the same fire.

To my sis Jessica, you seem like such a wonderfully spontaneous and naturally kind person. I’m floored by your outlook on life and dealing with the daily crap we all must face. I’ll bet you haven’t cursed once in your life! Your very sweet and genuine and maybe we can meet when I sail down the coast sometime soon.

And then there’s Kerry! You are so much fun! I will stop by when I sail to Louisiana and we can share dinner on my boat with you and your husband…if you dare! Not everybody feels comfortable on the water, so we can always stay at the dock. Anytime spent with you would be a joy.

There are many more, and I hope you don’t feel slighted, but these four friends have been there from the start. Always with a comment, words of encouragement and true kindness. That’s something I have not had alot of in my life and I thank you.

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9 thoughts on “I’m A Creep

  1. Aw, even before I saw my name I felt the honesty and emotion in your words. You are such a special person with so much to give and I’m so very glad we connected. Yes, I definitely consider you my friend, we share so many interests and traits (I’m also a bit of a loner). Rest assured when you make it down under I’ll be waiting for you with the camp fire lit, the steaks cooking and your favorite ale waiting.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. You are certainly not a creep and I am delighted at the idea of us meeting up. Perhaps we could do it with Osyth and make it a threesome…😆

    My husband is so geeky that his own aunt thought he was gay because of the lack of girlfriends. He is just lucky that he hit the jackpot with me predating him. For years I thought he was cool about nabbing me but then realized he was overwhelmed.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You make it easy to encourage you …. I encourage you because you are special, you have a gift that simply oozes out of you and yet, like so many artists you don’t realise it most of the time. You, my friend will not escape meeting me with or without HB2 …. I recognised a kindred at the get-go and I am proud to call you my good friend. If my words spur you on I am delighted. And if we can drag Kerry into the party then I really do think we should. Keep being you, not a creep just a delightful man who shares my dislike of people generally – I dress my dislike up in bubbles but am horribly shy in truth and like a doe in the mist am apt to run for cover rather than stand in the open air.

    Liked by 1 person

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