That line is from my favorite song and it holds even more meaning to me today. I’m going to see my father at the psychiatric ward in a major hospital in Maine.
He has been brought here twice in the last week from a nursing home I finally got him placed in due to violent outbursts. His dementia has taken over almost all rational thought, and paranoia has moved in.
He feels trapped by locked doors and nobody is going to stop him from leaving. Last night he started throwing things, got hold of a cane and threatened staff so he had to be removed by police and an ambulance.
This morning at the hospital he became violent again and had to be physically restrained and sedated. This may end up being the balance of his life on this earth…drugged to the point of compliance, halfway between life and death.
My relationship with my father has been strained, even hostile at times, but he’s my father and I will protect him as best I can till the end, I will not dessert him.
As I sit in his room wathching him sleep I feel the enormity of my loss, the depth of his suffering. It’s now to late to have a real relationship with him, time has resolved that hope.It’s almost time to say goodbye.