Home Sweet Home

You know I’m a dreamer
But my heart’s of gold
I had to run away high
So I wouldn’t come home low

Just when things went right
It doesn’t mean they were always wrong
Just take this song and you’ll never feel
Left all alone

Take me to your heart
Feel me in your bones
Just one more night
And I’m comin’ off this

Long and winding road
I’m on my way
I’m on my way
Home sweet home

Tonight tonight
I’m on my way
I’m on my way
Home sweet home

You know that I’ve seen
Too many romantic dreams
Up in lights, fallin’ off
The silver screen

My heart’s like an open book
For the whole world to read
Sometimes nothing keeps me together
At the seams

I’m on my way
I’m on my way
Home sweet home
Tonight tonight

I’m on my way
Just set me free
Home sweet home
Home sweet home
Home sweet home
Home sweet home

I’m on my way
I’m on my way
Home sweet home
Yeah yeah

I’m on my way
Just set me free
Home sweet home

Home Sweet Home – Motley Crue

 

It’s a quiet evening in Bangor Maine tonight. 65 degrees, a light wind and the sun is setting, a perfect end to a perfect Maine summer day. And yet, as beautiful as it is, I don’t feel at home. In fact I think the only time in my adult life I even felt close was when I was taking care of my folks while living in Strong Maine back20140712_051117 (Large) when I started this blog. Even though there was much stress, I was comfortable and felt in control for the first time in a long time. If my father had not progressed into dementia so fast I think we would be there still.

Western Maine is so peaceful and quaint nestled in the mountains and pine forests. All the small towns each had a presence about them, a feeling unspoken as you drive through. Always a sense of the history of years past in the statues to lost soldiers, remembrances of those who fought the good fight for their family and country. Kids riding bicycles on the sidewalks, standing in line for ice cream from the local parlor on Saturday nights. Everything small town life was supposed to be.

IMG_0419 (Large)Every summer day mom and dad would sit on the back deck with the birds and wild rabbits, every evening I cooked dinner for us and felt I was giving back to the people who had given so much to me. That time will stand out in my mind till the day I die as one of the best, most fulfilling times of my life. Tears are running down my face as I type this because I wanted to do so much more for them but time ran out. There’s only so much in this world you can control, and my fathers health was not one of them. My last day at this house was very hard indeed and I wrote about it here.

b (2) (Large)Mom is doing well at my sisters home and I can’t thank her enough for her efforts. I know full well how hard it can be to care for a loved one full time, I had two! I tell her often how much I and the family appreciate her efforts and I hope she finds her peace in the end. We all have to face the passing of those older than us that we care about, and we each in our own way make our peace with it.

The title of this post and the song from which it came represents a moment captured in time for me. When this album came out I was 23 and had just moved to Dallas Texas to try and connect with my oldest brother I had not seen since I was 15. This was the first time I had left Maine for any length of time and I stayed there for over a year. As my relationship with my brother fell apart I felt the pull of Maine, the only home I knew then, and I came back. I never saw him again. He had his life and it didn’t seem to work with mine. He doesn’t even know our father has died, and I don’t know if he ever will.

Now as a mature adult, free from my past, I find I’m still looking for home sweet home. This one idea has been so elusive, so ghostly in it’s appearance. Like a puff of smoke on a foggy day I can’t seem to get hold of it and bring it into focus, find the magic that makes any one moment or place fulfill the dream. Perhaps I am at fault, trying too hard for the perfect vision placed in my mind by others who seemed to have found it. I’m not sure, but I think I am going in the right direction. I think it may just be a state of mind.

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Home Sweet Home

  1. My journey has been different but I share your craving for a rooted place and understand so well your remarks including to the not quite knowing if what you think you wAnt really is your personal answer. I am certain there are many things that make up home some material and others ethereal. I guess the answer is simply to try and lace our efforts with open minded hope. This beautifully crafted piece whispers strongly to me and I thank you

    Liked by 2 people

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