More Than A Feeling

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone
Turned on some music to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away

It’s more than a feeling
(more than a feeling)
When I hear that old song they used to play
(more than a feeling)
And I begin dreaming
(more than a feeling)
‘Til I see Marianne walk away
I see my Marianne walkin’ away

So many people have come and gone
Their faces fade as the years go by
Yet I still recall as I wander on
As clear as the sun in the summer sky

It’s more than a feeling
(more than a feeling)
When I hear that old song they used to play
(more than a feeling)
And I begin dreaming
(more than a feeling)
‘Til I see Marianne walk away
I see my Marianne walkin’ away

When I’m tired and thinking cold
I hide in my music, forget the day
And dream of a girl I used to know
I closed my eyes and she slipped away
She slipped away

It’s more than a feeling
(more than a feeling)
When I hear that old song they used to play
(more than a feeling)
And I begin dreaming
(more than a feeling)
‘Til I see Marianne walk away

More Than A Feeling – Boston

It’s been 33 years but I can’t let go of that feeling. Christmas weekend in 1984 I was 19 and camping at Tumbledown Mountain in Maine with the one woman in my life I really loved. Yes I was young and impressionable, immature and easily swayed, but that feeling has never left me even all these years later. Some people say “just let it go” or other such dismissive phrases, but I will never let it go as I think it’s part of who I am, a moment in my life to be cherished not forgotten. I looked her up a few years ago on Facebook and we exchanged a couple emails. She is married, still lives in Maine and still following her dream making handmade fine jewelry. She had a real talent even when we were young and she never let go of that feeling. She got it right I say.

As a young man I fell prey to many hardships, some my fault and some not, yet a nagging feeling grew in my mind. All the camping trips, all the road trips, all the time spent exploring and hiking, these are the things that move me and give me solace. Alone on a country road or beach, just me my dog and my camera, images are captured that lock away moments in time for me.

As I moved away from that feeling in the hopes of following the path of many, marriage a house and my slice of the American dream, my life crumbled before me as I lost my sense of direction. I lost my feeling. I must get it back.

I’m not old per say, I still have time to regain that feeling, and the urge to explore the world around me has never been stronger. My life to date seems like a movie, all the images passing me buy at a speed I cannot control. Images captured on celluloid and digits but no real substance, no bottles of sand from a beach in the Keys, no lava rock from that stretch of highway in Arizona. All I have are snapshots in time as I drove by and dreamed of spending some time in each place. I realize now just how much I gave up over the years. It’s time to change my path.

This new path is not without it’s own hardships, decisions I must make about what to keep and what to give up. Friends and family must be left behind, at least for now, most possessions sold or gifted as I will not have the room. The bare essentials are all I can bring, minimalist to the extreme I shall live. And yet I have no distress, no feelings of loss, for what I give up in bounty I gain in what truly matters in this world.

No amount of money will stop the inevitable march of time, nothing will stop your appointment with the boatman on the river Styx. I watched my father take his journey, my mother will also, and my best furry friend will be on his very soon. We all carry the burden of watching those we care about end their life’s journey, we all must find a way to cope with the pitfalls that present themselves before us. My way is to go back to all the snapshots I have taken, and stay there awhile.

I want that vile of sand from the keys, I will pick up that lava rock in Arizona. Simple little mementos from each spot I stop and slow down at, something more than just an image. It’s more than a feeling that drives me, more than a vacation. I am going to make it my way of life or die trying.

PS: I still get chills every time I hear this song!

9 thoughts on “More Than A Feeling

  1. Sometimes, that “vile of sand” or that snapshot won’t fully encapsulate the experience. You just have to be there. Evans Notch is one of those places.

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  2. You looked like such a cool dude in the photograph! Of course, you still are a cool dude…? I think there is always someone special that we loved in our lives, not always our current partner, that bring up sweet memories. Please give Vinny a hug for me. Our beloved outside cat, Katniss, disappeared a week ago and we are certain she is dead. Toffee now bears the brunt of all our kitty love but seems to be enjoying it. Although she is geriatric, last night she found the little lizard that I have rescued 4 times. He survived and I warmed him up before releasing him. There is still life in our old arthritic kitty!

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    1. Pets bring us so much joy I can’t imagine life without them. That picture came from the local newspaper and is one of three that were taken of me while I worked for the city. That picture of me spraying water on the ice, a picture of me picking up trash in the pouring rain, and a picture of me sitting on the hood of a pick up that broke through the ice of that same pond while I was plowing the snow off it.

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      1. My favorite show is ice road truckers so I love the idea of the truck going into the pond! Once Toffee has passed I think I might try wildlife rehab, if I really miss having a pet. Maybe Toff will live for years yet – happy sigh.

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  3. I-86 near American Falls Idaho…stiff wind from the north…I was eastbound…saw a bald eagle just hovering still over the median with beak pointed north watching the Snake River Canyon looking for fish. Can’t catch that in a picture. Must be there for the experience.

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