Thank You

How bout getting off of these antibiotics
How bout stopping eating when I’m full up
How bout them transparent dangling carrots
How bout that ever elusive “could have”

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

How bout me not blaming you for everything
How bout me enjoying the moment for once
How bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
How bout grieving it all one at a time

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

The moment I let go of it
Was the moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down

How bout no longer being masochistic
How bout remembering your divinity
How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How bout not equating death with stopping

Thank you India
Thank you Providence,
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence…

Alanis Morrisette – Thank You

This post is not about Dunkin Donuts being open on Easter, it’s not about any person contributing to the common welfare of others at this time. Yes I must say I’m pleased to have my favorite coffee, and indeed I am and will be eternally grateful to those on the front line as it were, but today I must stop and thank myself as well.

Thank you for never giving up in the face of hardship. Though my troubles may pale beside others such as my friend that has cancer, or my mother in a nursing home who recently had a heart attack, they still add up over time. Each of us have a box in the closet that we pull out from time to time. That box contains all the hurt feelings, all the frustrating moments, all the painful memories we just can’t seem to let go of. Silly as some may seem to others, they still left a mark on our psyche. Yet through it all the power of the human spirit compels me to move on with life, never let the past interfere with all the future holds. I admit I struggle every day with this task.

Limit your reliance on others and you will be the one others rely on. I’m not afraid to take on the world anymore. I’m not afraid of an unknown future. I understand now that we cannot foresee anything that may befall us in this crazy world, let alone prepare for all of it’s consequences. Life is a crap shoot and there are no loaded dice to push the tables into your favor. We sometimes fool ourselves into believing we have it all figured out, set aside this or that to uphold our lifestyles in times of trouble, but all is for naught in a world pandemic. How many people will lose all in this crisis? How many will look to the government for help only to be dissapointed in their offerings? My lifestyle choices as of late have left me in a better position than many as I need very little money to survive, and my career choice is deemed essential during this time. Did I foresee this? No, just pure luck in it’s timing. Still, I am thankful for that luck and for not having to rely on others to support me. Some deserve that help and that is why I pay my taxes without fail.

Thank you for waking up before it was too late. So many years of my life were wasted on frivolous pursuits, wasteful spending on bobbles and trinkets with no real value other that to show others how shallow and insecure I was. When I lost everything due to drug use and a lack of vision, I realized just how little all those items really meant to me. When I hit bottom, it was more of a feeling of release from the burdon of a false life more than a hardship. I was free to start over and get it right this time. I realized my future is in the true taste of freedom, unencombered with items that tie me to one place. Freedom for me is the open spaces between civilization, the sometimes barren lands few tread. It is there that I feel most at home, it is there that I am me.

And above all, I thank me for finding me.

16 thoughts on “Thank You

  1. I thank you for finding you too. And I am thankful that I found you along the way. You, my dear friend, you are one of the few keepers in my life. Which might be construed as a threat but is merely a promise. You do you. Because you are pretty great.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I know so. We will always have those pesky bumps in the road but I think the trick is to find the value in the way things are and from what I see, that is exactly what you are doing.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I told my boyfriend who subsequently became my husband for a while that I do not sleep outdoors. I told my husband who subsequently became my permanent husband that I will walk the Appalachian Trail with him …. go figure 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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