I last wrote about freewill and the power it has over ones life if we let it, but recent events have propelled me in an entirely different direction. Many things in my life have taken a turn I am not prepared to adjust to, many people have let me down for the last time. Deals that where made are now ashes in the fire of disagreement, attempts at friendship sour like rotten fruit falling from a tree. Is the whole world against me? No, part of the problem is in me. Can I turn this around? I think so, but not here and not now.
I have left the state of my birth, walked away without notice from my job and all those I tried to call friends, never to return. No forwarding address, no new phone number. A fresh start and a new beginning somewhere else where I can rethink my life and my goals, somewhere I can let my freewill come alive. A place where no one knows my name, a place where I can dispose of all the emotional baggage I have carried around on my back for years.
I’m going back to life on the road where I feel free. A living earned while watching the country roll by and the seasons change in a days travel. As much as I dislike about trucking there are indisputable truth’s to be found in one’s mind as you drive. Miles go by sometimes in silence as the memories of days past crash together as a kaleidoscope of thought. Each color is a string of meaning tied to a time or place sometimes long gone, sometimes still present. Some strings I will cling to, others I will cut.
A renewed focus on me and my goals unhindered from the shackles of those who wish to use me for their gain. With responsibilities but to me and my best friend Brandy who has never let me down, I will rebuild my life in the image I want, not what people may think is the best way. Travel is in my soul and I can’t ignore it. It grinds at me every time I stand still for too long, pulls at my mind like a wind across sails. I must answer the call or shrivel and die as a flower in the desert.
It was fitting that I left on my 55th birthday. A day when I felt my time is growing short. Not that I may die tomorrow, but the best days of my youth are long gone and it’s important to make the best use of the health and stamina I have left. When I drove out of Maine as I have so many times before, it somehow felt different. Somehow it seemed final in a way. Will I ever return? Maybe, but never will I call it home again.
Goodbye to all who read this, those few who interacted with me over time though we never met. Goodbye to those who said they were my friends but never found the time for me no matter how many times I asked. This blog will lay dormant soon with no future posts written. Known to only a few, disregarded by most, I’m walking away from this part of my life entirely. Am I sad about this? Yes and no, but my mind is set, my will strong. I will be me no matter where I go and no matter who I see. I will be me.