Shout, Shout, Let It All Out

And when you’ve taken down your guard
If I could change your mind
I’d really love to break your heart
I’d really love to break your heart

Shout – Tears For Fears

Just when I think things are going my way something happens to destroy all I hoped for. Someone shouts and my dreams fall by the wayside in the flash of a moment, my heart is ripped out and thrown on the floor. Today was a day just like that, today was a day that set my hopes on fire and pushed me towards total heartache beyond what I have felt to date. Love is a fickle thing. One moment it consumes your soul the next it crushes your spirit with the force of a sledgehammer. Today my heart was broken like never before, today I know what it’s like to lose all.

Long distance romance is a very difficult thing. If you have never experienced it you have no idea the trials you go through to maintain a solid relationship with the vast differences of time and distance. With the lack of physical touch and intimate experience, and add to that a language barrier, you have a recipe for disaster. Today was the day for all of the negative powers to come together, today was the culmination of many misunderstandings coming to fruition all at once.

What started out as a good conversation about children and the future, soon devolved into a rant about past relationships and jealousy and whether I was still holding on too feelings for another. Soon I was confronted with incredible words of anger and mean spirited sentences accusing me of incredible misgivings and horrendous actions that I have never taken part in. The level of misguided fervor was more that I could handle and I reacted with disbelief and anger in return. This led to a total breakdown in communications and serious pain and hurt feelings. So much for what I had hoped for.

Will this relationship survive the challenges of late? I’m not sure but I hope so. Can I let go the pain of this situation? I think so but only if the other side realizes just how much those words cut me to the core. The first cut is the deepest they say, and that cut was very deep. But I am a strong man and I believe in the human spirit that wants to forgive and move on. Can I do that and maintain a relationship that will stand the test of time? I’m not sure to tell the truth, but I am not willing to give up just yet. For now I will shout in my mind and let out all the fears and anguish I feel about this and hope for the best. For now I will try to soothe my broken heart and not give in to loneliness and fear for what may be to come.

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