But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about God in His mercy
Who, if He really does exist
Why did He desert me?
And in my hour of need
I truly am, indeed
Alone again, naturally
There is no way to see the future, no crystal ball showing the correct path or images to look for. We as humans struggle through each day hoping we are correct in our assessments of whats going in our lives and sometimes even blindly looking past the signs of danger right in front of us. To err is human indeed and I have had my share of them as of late. But so be it, life goes on.
I find myself alone again and I’m not sure how to move on. The blow was direct and painful but the after effect is numb and sad. I’m sitting here trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, all the while remembering I have been here before and I didn’t die then either. When you find out the person you thought you loved is not what they seem, when the reality does not fit the image in your mind, a sea of emotions comes crashing down with the force of a hurricane. Though the storm is big I can weather it and bring myself back to calm waters soon. All it takes is focus.
I will focus on all the good things in my life. My joy of the outdoors, my furry friend who is always happy to see me no matter what. I think back to plans I had before and think maybe I was right then, maybe I should again pursue that path. I’m strongly considering that as I write this and I find my soul soothed by the thought. A solo life on the water is pulling at me really hard right now, the solitude healing me from within. I think maybe my destiny is alone with just the sea to guide me, the passage of miles slipping beneath the keel as the wind takes me to faraway places.
I am a strong person and I will not succumb to the forces trying to pull me under, I will hold my head above water while I tread for a time and rest. I will focus on work and saving money for whatever comes next and put much thought into what will bring me the peace in my life I have so longed for. A weaker man might choose an easy way out but that defeats the purpose of our time on this earth. Our time is precious and not to be squandered. The years I have left, however few they may be, should not be used feeling sorry for myself or holding on to hurt and anger. I will watch videos like the one below and re-energize myself to push for a better life. No one likes a quitter.