For There’ll Be Peace When You Are Done

Carry on my wayward son
For there’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you cry no more

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high
Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I’m dreamin’, I can hear them say

Carry on my wayward son
For there’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you cry no more

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don’t know
On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I’m like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune, but I hear the voices say

Carry on my wayward son
For there’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you cry no more

Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life’s no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you

Carry on my wayward son
For there’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you cry no more

Carry On Wayward Son – Kansas

Today is the 2 year anniversary of this blog and my quest for some sense of peace. Finding an outlet for all the confused feelings and thoughts has been nothing short of a miracle, and I’m close to what I feel will give me some closure to the sins of my past. As I drove along today I was reflecting on this past 2 days off. I went to Portland and filed the papers to change my name, visited my mom and took her out to lunch, and went to a social gathering of people who live on their sailboats. There was over 70 boats there and over 150 people.

IMG_9309 (Large)

I went because I was invited by a fellow blogger couple that lives in Maine during the summer, then lives on their boat down south during the winter. They were also the hosts of this meeting, and as such had alot to do during the engagement. I wanted to speak at length with them but they were far to busy for that, and all but 2 others barely even looked at me during my time there. I did not feel very good about this group or the cold shoulder I received when trying to engage some in conversation. The 2 people that did talk are fellow Mainers who dock their boat at the other marina in Winterport just a mile or so away from where I will call home. I guess this wasn’t a total loss as I will look them up soon as I enjoyed their enthusiasm about boating. Rockland Harbor was really full with all the boats. This is just a small amount of them.

IMG_9310 (Large)

It’s also cool to see the working yards that repair commercial vessels. The chain links that haul the boats up the ramps are as big around as my head!

IMG_9311 (Large)

All in all it was still a nice day, and any time I drive along the coast I feel better. I’m only $3000.00 away from paying off my boat, and I should make the last payment by September 1st and have it moved to Winterport by the third week. By the end of September I will have paid a years storage in advance and then I can begin the refit process. I almost can’t believe I have a boat, and everything is starting to fall into place. My insecure side is waiting for the other shoe to fall, like it has so many times in the past, but what I notice now is that feeling fades much quicker than it used to, it’s not as powerful as in the past.

I knew absolutely no one at that function, yet I went anyway. That was a big step for me! I don’t do well in crowds unless I can focus on just a few people, and the 2 that I spoke with made my visit worthwhile. The last few years have been full of things I couldn’t bring myself to do in the past. I’ve pushed myself into uncomfortable situations to help overcome the urge to be a complete recluse. It’s not really people I dislike but society as a whole. I think modern culture has been drawn down into a world of selfishness and disdain for anything that doesn’t fit what some call “Social Justice” or some other such tripe. I believe all people should be treated fairly but I feel we may be straying a little to far “Left” for my tastes.

But enough of that, the last thing I want to do in litter this blog with politics. Soon I will separate myself as much as possible from all that and live the way I want, within bounds of reason, away from the society I am not comfortable in. I will surround myself with all the things that come naturally to this earth, and try and bring to you all that I experience through words and pictures. Check out this story I found on the web by a couple who sailed along Maine’s coast. Fantastic pictures and writing!  Sailing The Maine Coast

Here’s another PS: I did something Friday that I had been thinking about for years, but never had the nerve! This is just the beginning with alot more to come!

0730171910

0730171901

I must be crazy!!!

Advertisements

It’s Not Having What You Want, It’s Wanting What You’ve Got

My friend the communist
Holds meetings in his RV
I can’t afford his gas
So I’m stuck here watching tv

I don’t have digital
I don’t have diddly squat
It’s not having what you want
It’s wanting what you’ve got

I’m gonna soak up the sun
I’m gonna tell everyone
To lighten up, I’m gonna tell ’em that
I’ve got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I’m looking up

I’m gonna soak up the sun
I’m gonna soak up the sun

I’ve got a crummy job
It don’t pay near enough
To buy the things it takes
To win me some of your love

Every time I turn around
I’m looking up, you’re looking down
Maybe something’s wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do

I’m gonna soak up the sun
I’m gonna tell everyone
To lighten up, I’m gonna tell ’em that
I’ve got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I’m looking up

I’m gonna soak up the sun
While it’s still free
I’m gonna soak up the sun
Before it goes out on me

Don’t have no master suite
But I’m still the king of me
You have a fancy ride, but baby
I’m the one who has the key

Every time I turn around
I’m looking up, you’re looking down
Maybe something’s wrong with you
That makes you act the way you do
Maybe I am crazy too

I’m gonna soak up the sun
I’m gonna tell everyone
To lighten up, I’m gonna tell ’em that
I’ve got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I’m looking up

I’m gonna soak up the sun
Got my 45 on
So I can rock on

Soak Up The Sun – Sheryl Crow

I’m making it my life’s goal to only want what I’ve got, and nothing more. Constantly wanting something more, as our consumer based society reinforces, is nothing but an endless circle of want and lust for more. Never are you truly satisfied because more shiny objects are placed before you by the ad agency’s that entice us from an early age. Each object is made so poorly in an effort to facilitate it’s easy demise and replacement. How is a pickup truck that won’t last any longer than one of five years ago worth twice as much? It’s not, you just fall for the shiny object.

So why is that? It’s called “Instant Gratification” and a few other psychological factors. The excitement of buying something new is so powerful, almost a physical high when you drive off the lot in a new car. The smell of a new leather jacket, the feel of new gloves. A new piece of furniture, the latest smartphone. There was nothing wrong with the “Old” ones, but this is the latest! Sucker!!! All manufacturers count on your knee jerk reactions to the latest and greatest. The Iphone 6 to the 7 has very little change, yet you have to get it. That’s another $700.00 down the drain. Dumbass!

The sailboat I bought is 43 years old! That’s right, it’s older than many of my followers! If you look closely it has many scratches, it needs paint and the systems are not working properly. By the time I am done fixing everything will have invested at least $25,000 not including the purchase price. I will have more invested than it’s worth when I’m done, so why? Because when I’m done I’ll have exactly what I want, not some shiny new boat that will lose it’s luster just as fast but at 4 times the cost! That’s right, a new 30 foot boat with all the gear I will have would cost over $100,000! No thanks.

No, my life is going to change drastically starting tomorrow. First thing in the morning, after a dental visit, I am going to Probate Court in the county I live in to start the procedure of legally changing my name. Sounds pretty drastic right? Well let me give you some background. There are 2 people in the state of Maine with the same exact name and same exact birth date, and I’m one of them! That’s right, exactly the same.

I have had my license revoked, my car impounded and my credit destroyed several times in my adult life due to the confusion of me with the other person. We even applied for the same job at the same time once! (He got the job!) I have thought long and hard about this, I even asked my mother if she was ok with changing my name. I think it’s time for this and more in my life. It’s time for a complete change.

Along with this I am going to start a new blog, and when that’s done I will completely delete this one. Every post, comment and follower. This blog has been nothing short of therapy for me. I have shown the world all of my inner self, exposed all my secrets, put forth every demon torturing my soul. Through it all I have met some incredible people, found friends I didn’t think were out there. Even though we have never actually met, I feel your presence when you comment and like my posts, and I thank you.

But don’t worry, I will provide the new address when the time comes, and I think I know the chosen few who will follow me again. I think we all know most of our “Follows” are nothing but people trying to entice a follow from us. They never like or comment other than the first visit then evaporate into the ether of the web. I always look at their blogs, and follow if I’m interested, but most are not what interests me so I move on. I truly only follow about 8 others, and you know who you are.

I think I have reached the turning point in my life, the moment when I can let go of the past and embrace the future I will pursue with my whole heart and mind. I’m going to soak up the sun, tell everyone to lighten up, and enjoy what I’ve got which is nothing more than I need to live a fulfilling life.

IMG_9282 (Large)

 

 

 

 

So Quiet But I Finally Woke Up

Sometimes I feel like I’m drunk behind the wheel
the wheel of possibility
However it may roll, give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there’s always more than one way
to say exactly what you mean to say

Was I out of my head or was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication, it was hard to find
Don’t matter what I say, only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you’re sad then it’s time you spoke up too

Was I out of my head or was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication, it was hard to find
Don’t matter what I say, only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you’re sad then it’s time you spoke up too

Was I out of my head or was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication, it was hard to find
Don’t matter what I say, only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally wake up
If you’re sad then it’s time you spoke up too

Outta My Head – Fastball

Today was another day for a ride along the coast of Maine. I left Bangor at 4:30 this morning and drove to Ellsworth then north on US 1 all the way to Calais. I needed to clear my head after a difficult week of driving, and the beauty of the coast never fails to inspire.

IMG_9269 (Large)

It’s fun to think I am looking at the same picture the earliest explorers looked at hundreds of years ago. The only thing different now is the presence of man made homes and docks. All the inlets, coves, islands and mud flats are unchanged. The above picture could be the vision of the first explorer to set foot on that beach. The presence of man brings new things, but still in harmony with nature.

IMG_9295 (Large)

Many of these inlets may have filled in some with silt, but all it takes is one big storm to wash it back out. The ebb and flow of the ocean tides cleanse the coast and provide for all the flora and fauna that thrive here.

IMG_9258 (Large)

IMG_9263 (Large)

As I roll along I feel my shoulders settle, my neck loosen. I smell the salt air and watch the birds fly over the flats. It’s so quiet but I finally woke up to the fact that I must have been blind to not realize before now, just how much I can see and do for almost no money. There are so many places to see and touch, smell and hear. I think about my former plans of a house or land, my little slice of the earth and I understand how narrow that goal is. Why limit yourself to just a small view?

IMG_9267 (Large)

There is so much more I can see from the deck of a boat. Every day I can have a different view, every day I can turn the page in my book of life and add a new photo. Every day I can feel the joy of discovery, feel just like a child again.

IMG_9281 (Large)

Can you see yourself anchored in this harbor, rowing the dingy to shore to go to the local Farmers Market for fresh vegetables and fruit, buy some fish caught just today right from the boat that caught it? A minimalist lifestyle can be had, and a much better life can be lived if your willing to do what it takes.

IMG_9275 (Large)

This sea otter lives a life free from the daily grind we all face, so why can’t we? Alone or with friends he go’s where he want’s, when he want’s. So why can’t we? The answer is…we can, and I will! Imagine anchoring in this quiet cove. Nothing but the wind and the gentle sway of the boat. What is that kind of peaceful lifestyle worth?

IMG_9271 (Large)

Nothing in life is free, nothing should be taken for granted. So many people work so hard for their retirement only to get sick or even die before they can enjoy life after work. Many others can’t stop working for fear of losing everything they worked so hard for. If you have almost nothing, you have almost nothing to lose I say. If my boat sank, I could work and buy another. If you lost your house at age 60, could you afford to buy another?

IMG_9249 (Large)

The sunset of my life is coming, my body is not as resilient as it used to be. I can’t read a book without glasses, but I can rebuild a diesel engine. I can’t run a 5k race, but I can row a dingy and sail a sailboat. Ones worth in this world is not only measured by their physical prowess or their degrees earned in collage, but by their ability to fend for themselves. The founders of this country came here with minimal tools and supplies, the rest they had to come up with on their own. It may have been very hard by today’s standards, but they understood what it took to live a minimalist lifestyle, and I will do the same.

The sweat on my brow and the blisters on my hands are the price I will pay for my lifestyle of choice. I will have many more years of that currency with which to pursue my goals, live the dream before I am too old. My book of life will be filled with joy and laughter, sorrow and tears. A balance of each is my goal if I can help it. We shall see.

PS: I had lunch in Calais at a small diner in town and met Katalin. We had a great conversation and she reminded me of a former post about exceptional people, of which she is one. The story of your boys giving you a ring and saying you were married to them was so endearing it made my heart melt. I told you when I sailed up the coast in a year or two I would stop by again and take you and your two sons out for a sail. And yes Katalin, I will show up, but I was lying to you a little. I don’t often include two songs in one post, but this song is what I felt when I drove back to Bangor.

 

 

Winterport Boat Yard On The Penobscot River…Where I Call Home

I thought you might like a few pictures of my boat and the place I will call home while refitting. Winterport Boat Yard is located on the Penobscot River that leads from Penobscot bay to the town of Bangor and beyond. This yard has a great reputation for honest people, great service and reasonable prices. They are equipped with everything I will need to bring Renegade back to the glory of her youth, and return me to mine. And as an added benefit, you can’t beat the view!

Pearson 30 /AKA Renegade

059 (Large)061 (Large) (Large)062 (Large)063 (Large)065 (Large)067 (Large)

Winterport Boat Yard

IMG_9211 (Large)IMG_9213 (Large)IMG_9216 (Large)IMG_9217 (Large)IMG_4671 (Large)IMG_4669 (Large)IMG_4668 (Large)IMG_4662 (Large)IMG_4663 (Large)

Penobscot River

IMG_9214 (Large)IMG_9215 (Large)20161005073221_img_6674.jpg20161005073341_img_6676.jpg20161005072454_img_6664.jpg20161005072413_img_6663.jpg20161005072304_img_6661.jpg20161005072454_img_6664.jpg20161005065308_img_6639.jpg

IMG_4660 (Large)

IMG_4611 (Large)

Bangor Maine

IMG_8955 (Large)IMG_8956 (Large)IMG_8957 (Large)IMG_8960 (Large)IMG_8961 (Large)IMG_8962 (Large)IMG_8971 (Large)IMG_8974 (Large)IMG_8987 (Large)cropped-20161005065932_img_6643.jpgcropped-20161005064705_img_6633.jpg20161005072151_img_6659.jpg20161005070530_img_6646.jpg20161005072627_img_6669.jpg

 

 

The Chariot Of My Dreams

When self doubt rears it’s ugly head, I ask myself “why am I doing this.” Years ago that doubt would take over and I would most likely walk away from whatever it was I feared and give up. But not this time. I will not hang my head and go quietly into the night. This time I will fight with all my might and win.

It’s hard to put into words my motivation, but I feel the true reason for my goal of living on a boat is the fear of the unknown combined with my want of living a minimalist lifestyle. I have a deep need to prove to myself that I can achieve my goals, I can live a much more fulfilling life. I freely gave up all my past friends, sold or gave away anything of value I had, all for a dream that was clouded in the insecurity I have heaped upon myself. I must release myself from this burden or die a broken man.

Now that I have bought a boat, and the overall quest has begun, I also find myself reassessing what is a reasonable goal for my future, what is it I am REALLY looking for. All I know is that everything in my past is NOT what I wanted, so it’s time for something else. Will I sail to distant shores? Not in this boat. I’m afraid that goal was a little beyond my ability to bring to fruition, the costs for a boat of that caliber were just too high.

As I think this through I realize crossing an ocean would be a wonderful experience, but so would sailing to the Florida Keys, crossing the Gulf to Louisiana and Texas, maybe cross the Panama Canal and travel up the west coast to Alaska. There’s so many places this boat can take me that are completely foreign to me, and I could spend the rest of my life sailing and not see them all. So why do I need to cross an ocean? I really don’t. Like most things in life, it’s all about compromise.

So as I refit the chariot of my dreams over the next year or so I now understand what it is I am searching for, what drives my restless spirit to cast off the lines and sail into the unknown. I want to live free from the drain of modern society and all the burdens placed on us to “fit in” and be accepted. I want to conquer the fear residing in all of us, that nagging doubt that stops many from reaching their goals. I will risk it all for the beauty of the human spirit that resides in all of us, and I will do it on my own.

This post and it’s title were inspired by this video by Liz Clark, a woman I admire for her inner strength and courage to take on the challenge. Watch this short video, you won’t be disappointed.

Patience Is A Virtue

 

IMG_9207 (Large)
I’m back at the TA in Maybrook NY again this evening on my way back to Maine. I should arrive in Bangor sometime tomorrow afternoon. I’m taking the weekend off to go visit my mom and to pick up the dingy that is part of my boat purchase so I can restore it over the next few weekends. This will take the place of the canoe I was going to buy for my camping trips before this deal presented itself.

IMG_9197 (Large)After another disappointing meal, I should know better by now, I took Vinny for a walk around the truck stop. Poor old guy, he’s at his max dose of pain meds and his tumors are really showing now. I’m not sure how much longer I should keep him going. I guess as long as he’s still happy and playful, still able to get up on his own then his quality of life is still good.

IMG_9201 (Large)
As we walk around on the freshly cut grass I remind myself that patience is a virtue. I’m almost there, in the grand scheme of things, almost living the life I want. Though it’s been a long road to date, the shadow that has lingered over my steps is beginning to be overcome by a radiant light. This light comes from hard work and never giving up on ones dreams, it comes from patience.

IMG_9205 (Large)
The signs that lead the way have always been there, but the shadow was too dark, my vision obscured. I failed to understand how much effort is needed to achieve a lasting peace, so fooled was I with the false hope of easy this or that put forth by modern media. The best things in life take time, lots of time. I wish I had thought of these things earlier.

IMG_9209 (Large)

As I sit here in my truck, the days miles behind me, I understand the view through my windshield is only temporary, a fleeting moment that will soon fade into my memory. In it’s place will be days of adventure and wonder, nights of peaceful slumber. Meeting like minded people instead of those still blinded by the pursuit of money. Sharing beautiful vistas and scary moments with those who wish to see through my eyes, feel what I feel. All you need is a little patience, and I’ll take you there.

IMG_9163 (Large)

 

 

The Truth Of Ones Destiny

tt (Large)

Do you believe in destiny? Do you think your future is predetermined such as in the concept of fate? Like this bridge, do you think there is only one road to your future? I for one know not what the future holds, or if some all seeing guide is providing clues to lead us one way or another. All I know is we are presented with choices each day that have a direct impact on our lives, and I try to choose based on life experience, instinct, common sense and lessons my parents taught me. I must say my choices have become less problematic as of late.

By simplifying everything in my life I have cut down on the afore mentioned choices therefor reducing the chances of bad decisions. At least that’s what I tell myself. In reality I hope it’s just the knowledge I have amassed over the years of trial and error that lead me to the best decisions. Either way I see a better future than I did 15 years ago with a real sense of accomplishment for how far I have come. I now like me.

20170110091039_img_8232.jpg

Like the beautiful calm in this picture of Portland harbor I took last winter, I feel that same calmness washing over me as I plan for the refit and my time on my sailboat. Whether it’s 5 years or the remainder of my life, that time will be filled with serenity, stillness and a profound sense of content. Each day I awaken to the cry of gulls, the gentle slap of the water on the hull, all of the trials to date will wash away in the solitude of a life immersed only in nature. Each photograph, meal or walk on a deserted beach with nothing but my thoughts and my dog, will be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow I have worked so hard for. No houses, no people, no demands….only freedom.

20170110111000_img_8260.jpg

I think the truth of ones destiny lies in the truth of your heart. Only if your willing to listen and understand what it’s saying to you can you attain a stillness to your soul, a bounty of blessings free for those who make it their goal. Only when you understand what really matters will you be at peace. My destiny lies on the sea, and to her I say, “Just a little longer and I’ll be right home to you.”

 

 

New World Man

He’s a rebel and a runner
He’s a signal turning green
He’s a restless young romantic
Wants to run the big machine

He’s got a problem with his poisons
But you know he’ll find a cure
He’s cleaning up the systems
To keep his nature pure

Learning to match the beat of the old-world man
Learning to catch the heat of the third-world man

He’s got to make his own mistakes
And learn to mend the mess he makes
He’s old enough to know what’s right
And young enough not to choose it
He’s noble enough to win the world
But weak enough to lose it

He’s a new-world man

He’s a radio receiver
Tuned to factories and farms
He’s a writer and ranger and a young boy bearing arms
He’s got a problem with his powers
His weapons on patrol
He’s got to walk a fine line
And keep his self-control

Trying to save the day for the old-world man
Trying to pave the way for the third-world man

He’s not concerned with yesterday
He knows constant change is here today
He’s noble enough to know what’s right
But weak enough not to choose it
He’s wise enough to win the world
But fool enough to lose it

He’s a new-world man

Learning to match the beat of the old-world man
He’s learning to catch the heat of the third-world man

He’s a new world man
He’s a new world man

New World Man – Rush

Rush has always been one of my favorite bands. Their lyrics put forth a concise vision, a view expressed by many without voice, only thought. This song brings forth a feeling of acceptance about who I am, a rebel and a runner who has left his poisons in the past to run the big machine. A romantic soul searching for the truth of this life, trying to keep my nature pure. I understand I had it all wrong, I ignored the wisdom of the elders even when I knew it to be right. Foolishness is tied up in the heart of a boy, the rod of reality will remove it far from him.

Experience has shown me the correct path, yet I forget to follow it at times. Caught up in the moment my eyes are sometimes blinded by wants not needs, fears instead of hopes. I am human after all, full of weakness and shortcomings, sadness and regret, hopes and dreams, nobility and kindness. The human spirit can overcome almost anything but only if the will is there. I have proven my will by walking away from my sordid past, but it takes more than one conquest to make a new world man.

When I went to the Winterport Boat Yard to reserve my space for this fall, I met several other boat owners preparing their boats for launch. We spoke for a few minutes until I expressed my hopes for the future upon which they laughed and wished me luck, then walked away from me. At first I was a little dismayed, maybe a little hurt by their disregard of my goals, but upon reflection I see no reason to let the words of old fools discourage me in any way. They may have been sailing for years, obviously have more money than me, but I have the strength of my convictions, the power of my will that has been greatly tested, and I am no quitter.

As I’ve said before, what are you willing to give up to get what you want? I have given up almost everything I owned, still working a job I don’t really like, and walked away from every so called “Friend” I had. I have no house, no apartment, an old used car, and cheap wal-mart clothes. And yet I have something many people with millions never have…hope of a better life by my own hands. Nothing can take away from my devotion to my ideals, my commitment to see this through. I have tried and failed many times in my life, but this time I will succeed.

49430215

Somewhere I Belong

When this began,
I had nothing to say and
And I’d get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find/that I’m
Not the only person with these things in mind (inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I got left to feel.(nothing to lose)
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own,
And the fault is my own.

I want to heal,
I want to feel,
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long (Erase all the pain ’til it’s gone)
I want to heal,
I want to feel,
Like I’m close to something real
I want to find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find That it’s
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I?)
What do I have but negativity?
‘Cause I can’t justify the way everyone is looking at me.(
Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own,
And the fault is my own

I want to heal,
I want to feel,
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I’ve held so long(erase all the pain ’till it’s gone.)
I want to heal,
I want to feel,
Like I’m close to something real
I want to find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I will never know
myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel,
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything ’til I break away from me
And I will break away,
And find myself today

I want to heal,
I want to feel,
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long (erase all the pain til it’s gone)
I want to heal,
I want to feel,
Like I’m close to something real
I want to find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong.

I want to heal.
I want to feel like I’m,
Somewhere I belong, Somewhere I belong.

Somewhere I Belong – Linkin Park

My search for somewhere I belong has been an apparition, a misty image viewed through a mind clouded by false hopes, poor choices, misguided goals and an unclear vision of how I wanted to live my life. For years I wandered from job to job, place to place, never finding anything that pulled me in, satiated my thirst for creativity. Through it all I held onto past grief and regret, never thinking anything through to completion to find an answer. The fault was my own.

As I’ve matured, and removed myself from the self destructive environment I lived in, I realized I’m not alone in my suffering. The desert of pain I wandered in for so long was actually full of others on the same quest for the life giving waters of release, the intentional letting go of the anchor holding us back from true happiness. We all share the same guilt and longing for exemption, all reaching for that feeling of walking away from one life and starting another. I think I’m almost there.

My sailboat is nothing but the vessel that will carry me to the next port in the long voyage that is my life. A kind of floating home that will shelter me from the storms, yet hold me in the light of forgiveness. A place where I can heal all the wounds of my soul and find my inner writer and photographer, a place to pull my creative side out into the view of all who will believe in me.

This blog and all the followers whose comments have been so inspirational to me, coupled with my will to find true peace, has been the lighthouse that has led me across the stormy seas to the sheltered harbor that will be my home very soon. My heart sings when I think of warm days basking in the sun, simple meals prepared by my own hands, and the comfort of my best friend by my side. That misty image is starting to come into focus, the fog of indecision is lifting and I can now see the reason I am here, I can see somewhere I belong.

sailing sunset

What Truth This Sunset Brings

IMG_6748 (Large)

Each day brings a beginning and an end, just like life itself. The sun rises as our eyes open for the first time and confusion reigns. We grow and mature, each moment grasped in the folds of our minds for recall when the need is apparent. Like the sweet smell of spring grass our senses take in all from the surrounding glory, sometimes missing the magnitude of it’s radiance. All that matters is sometimes lost in the rush for success.

IMG_5609 (Large)

Gaze out at a simple view and realize what is there. More than a rusty roof, a bush or some grass, a cacophony of life in this field reaching out for the sun and soil, rain and wind. A dance of natures balance all free for the taking if you so desire. So much to explore and see, taste and touch, all wrapped up in the passing of a single day. Many days spent ignoring what was right in front of me, but soon to be remedied.

5028453_20150323090259626_5_XLARGE

What truth this sunset brings is the realization of a dream, the firm grasp of something more than an everyday existence. Letting go of the once held goal of things that never truly satisfied me, never gave me a feeling of where I belong. Soon shall I bask in the sunset from a place of my own, replete with the few possessions needed to have a fulfilling life. A man at peace with himself.

All can find such peace if willing to look deep into oneself for the truth that hides there. Only through deep introspection can you see what hides behind goals formed by others as a means of acceptance. Only when you disregard the path of the masses can you complete the circle of life and end up where you belong, at peace with yourself.